Looking to be more attractive to your man? What a beautiful intention! Go you!

Over time, it’s not uncommon for the passion, sexual tension, and romantic energy to dwindle in a relationship.

Now, this isn’t an inevitability of being in a long-term relationship (I know many couples who have highly charged intimate relationships after being together for several decades). This is simply a common situation that most couples find themselves in after being together for a few years.

You might begin to take each other for granted. A sense of familiarity with each other’s bodies can take over. Small, unprocessed arguments start to stack up and resentment quietly builds, like a subtle din in your partnership.

Getting the spark back in your relationship isn’t as challenging as you might think it is. Even if you’ve been sitting on your lack of connection for years.

Like anything worth having, getting the spark back is going to require a bit of effort. Effort that is well worth it. That is, if you’re a fan of being seen as a radiant sexual goddess who your partner adores and worships.

Some of these techniques will work so well (and so quickly), it’ll almost feel like you have too much power. And, as Gandhi once said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Just kidding. Spiderman said that.

If you’ve found my website, I trust that your heart is in the right place. I would encourage you to only use these techniques with men who you are in a relationship with, or are seriously invested in having commit to you.

Final note: remember that many of the following behaviours aren’t things that you’ll be adopting 24/7, but rather, they’re techniques you can use at your discretion in any moments where you want to boost or maintain sexual polarity with your partner.

Alright. On to the man-melting magic tips!

10 Ways To Immediately Be More Attractive To Your Man

1. Extend your vowels

One of the fastest ways to be more attractive to your man, in the moment, is to extend your vowels when you’re speaking.

If you’re constantly rushing through your sentences and speaking to him like you’re in a boardroom, then eventually he’s going to start seeing you as more of a work colleague than a lover.

But if you get out of your head, drop into your body, and slow down the pacing with which you speak, this will draw him more deeply to you in an instant.

Believe me… there’s a HUGE difference in how men receive, “You look nice”, and “Baaaabyyy…. you look so haaandsommme!”

And, it should go without saying, but don’t extend them to a comical/ridiculous degree. Just slow your speech down a bit compared to whatever your authentic, natural pace would be otherwise.

Sound too good to be true? Try it out. Don’t be surprised if he pounces on you and gives you all of the physical affection you could handle.

2. Invite him into his senses

More often than not, men are living in their heads.

One of the greatest gifts that the feminine can give to the masculine is to invite it back into the realm of the senses.

Say he’s rattling off numbers, and goals, and facts and figures to you (maybe recounting his day to you over a home cooked meal that you prepared for him), and you sense that he’s stuck in his head and not being very present with you.

You can counteract his headiness by offering him a spoonful of the food you made and saying, “Mmmmm… have you tasted this? It’s so fresh! Doesn’t it just dance on your tongue?” Or standing up, walking over to him, and kissing him on the cheek. Or rubbing his shoulders for a moment.

The feminine reminds the masculine about life. It reminds the masculine that life is happening, right now… not far off in the future when goals and accomplishments are achieved. But today, in this very moment. Be a positive force that brings him back to his body, and he will begin to associate his presence, groundedness, and connection to his body with your positive influence in his life.

3. Compliment him

While most men aren’t predominantly driven by praise, they still very much appreciate a genuine compliment from their lover once in a while.

There are two things you’ll want to compliment the most (as long as these things are actually true for you).

First, you’ll want to compliment things that you perceive as being most central to his identity. Second, you’ll want to compliment things that you believe he feels the least confident about. I will give examples of each of these two things.

Say your man feels heavily identified with the work that he does in the world (not at all uncommon for a modern man). When was the last time you complimented your partner in regards to his career? Have you told him that you find his passion sexy? If yes, recently? Have you told him that you find his dedication to mastery in his work life attractive? Have you told him that you love how lit up he gets when he talks about his job? If not, why not? Again, you only ever want to deliver compliments that are 100% true for you, so if these themes aren’t readily accessible in your mind, set aside some time to think about what you see him as most identified with in his life, and then reflect back a compliment to him related to those themes.

Now on to the second type of compliments.

Everyone has insecurities. Man, woman, and child. Doesn’t matter.

What things is your unique man particularly insecure about that you are aware of? Are any of those insecurities mind boggling to you? For example, perhaps your man is self-conscious about his body because he’s gained a few pounds, and yet you love that he isn’t as skinny as he used to be. If this is the case, tell him. Let it be known. He may attempt to resist your compliment (‘You’re just saying that’) because your praise is touching on a soft spot for him… but persist with the compliment until you feel his position soften a bit. Even if he seems to only let it in 10% of the way, your words likely mean more to him than he is able to express to you in the moment.

Again, the compliment being genuine matters above all else. Don’t just say things because you think he wants to hear them.

Sit down, write up a list of things you love about him, and then make a concerted effort to bring one of those things to him once per week for a few months, and watch him grow in his confidence and his connection to you.

4. Speak from your feelings instead of making demands

Alright, here comes another winner. The adoption or ignorance of this one small (but necessary) shift in communication can make or break a relationship.

What’s one societal trope that men in mainstream media always complain about? They complain about their partner being a nag. A nag, in this instance, is simply someone who is demanding, and/or asks a lot of their partner… often with a harsh tone to go along with their requests.

But here’s the kicker… it isn’t about the fact that women are somehow supposed to be needless and not ask for anything (not in the slightest)… it’s the WAY that they ask that can erode the quality of the relationship. Here’s why.

An intimate relationship needs some sense of polarity in order to function well. In other words, in every moment, it’s ideal that one partner is embodying the masculine charge, and the other partner is embodying the feminine. Again/as always, this has nothing to do with gender or orientation – at all.

So when a woman demands that her boyfriend/husband take out the trash, it isn’t necessarily the fact that she’s asking for something to be done that is the issue, it’s that in the way that she is asking for it to be done, she is killing the polarity between them. That’s the real issue.

Here are some examples of what most people do, and what is a more beneficial way of going about those same situation.

– Saying “Give me your coat” is a demand. Saying “Brrr… I’m cold” isn’t. The latter gives the man the opportunity to respond to your statement by doing something about it that he gets to make the decision on.

– Asking, “I’m starving… why don’t you ever make dinner for us anymore?” will kill polarity (being criticized, even subtly, doesn’t feel sexy for anyone). Saying, “Mmmm… I’m starting to get hungry” is an invitation that he can respond to while maintaining the charge of polarity.

– Saying, “When was the last time you planned a date night for us? It feels like it’s been forever…” will kill polarity. Saying, “I’d love to do something fun with you soon!”, is an invitation for him to fill in the gaps of creating a fun activity for the two of you.

The common through line in these examples is that the person asking is speaking from their feelings (cold, hungry, desire for fun), as opposed to making direct demands.

(Want more tips on how to communicate with your man in a way that deeply resonates with him? Check this out.)

5. Make your own pleasure and happiness a priority

Ultimately, there is nothing more attractive than a person who is brimming with their own authentic joy.

If you’ve been feeling like you’re in a rut lately, this can often lead to feelings of disconnection and dissatisfaction in a relationship. And, unfortunately, the only way out is through. If you feel misaligned, stuck, or stagnant in your life, you have to do the hard work of getting yourself unstuck. Only you know where your true bliss lives.

When you prioritize yourself in this way, and set up your life so that you are brimming with joy, there is no greater gift you can give (to yourself, and to your partner). While I don’t subscribe to the ‘happy wife, happy life’ saying (as it reeks of codependency and emotional enmeshment), there is something to be said about it being much easier to be in a relationship with someone who cares about themselves highly enough to put their own happiness first.

Remember, you are both ultimately responsible for your own happiness. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, and neither are you. You’re responsible for getting your own needs met, and once you do, you can bring your resulting joy to the relationship as the gift that it is.

6. Give him your full trust more often

If you tend to second guess your man endlessly (in your head or out loud), he will inevitably feel this and slowly grow to resent you. The masculine wants to be trusted deeply. In fact, just last week one of my male clients said, “The greatest thing my wife could tell me is ‘I trust you.’ Nine times out of ten, that means more to me from her than I love you.”

Instead of questioning his every decision, give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Make generous assumptions about how he moves through his life. But only if you truly trust the man you are with. If you don’t trust him and you have lost respect for him, then that’s a whole other conversation (and you may need to have a difficult talk with him, or possibly even dissolve the partnership).

Try practicing full trust with him at different times throughout your relationship.

– When he is driving the car that you are in the passenger seat of, let go of all control in your mind about how he is driving or what route he is taking. Trust his masculine direction, and drop in to your full feminine flow.

– When you are making love and he is penetrating your body… breathe him all the way in to you. Let his presence penetrate all the way to your heart. Fully surrender to the moment and trust in the way that he wants to make love to you in that moment. Let go fully, and your sexual and emotional connection will improve.

– When he makes dinner for you, don’t criticize his decisions on what he chose to make, or the specifics of how he made it. Trust that everything he is doing is coming from a place of love, and he is doing his absolute best. All he wants to do is please you and serve your heart so that it is filled with love. Trust in his process for how he attempts to get to that goal. If your mind starts to backslide into judgment, fear, control, or anxiety, then take a deep breath, and soften back into trust.

Remember…

The ego loves control. The mind loves control. But not the heart. The heart knows nothing of control. It trusts fully. It loves fully.

So take a vacation from perpetually being on guard… judging and trying to control the moment… and drop in to your heart. Trust your man totally, in moments of your choosing, and he will feel inspired to act like your king more often.

7. Get in touch with your feminine energy

You become more attractive to your man by embracing your sense of feminine aliveness. Bolstering your inner radiance. Getting in touch with your own heart and allowing it to shine brightly through how you show up in your life, and by extension, in your relationship.

But this isn’t always an easy thing to do, especially if you have pre-existing blocks around stepping into the fullness of your feminine heart.

Getting in touch with your feminine energy can often be difficult for certain women for a number of reasons.

– You have an unresolved emotional wound with your mother that you haven’t yet faced (and you swore to never be like her in X, Y, and Z ways).

– Maybe you shut off your feminine energy because it wasn’t safe to be radiant at some earlier point in your life.

– Maybe you were raised in a patriarchal society that prioritized masculine energy (be productive, get to the point, put on a suit and de-prioritize joy), and leaned on your more archetypically masculine traits to fit in.

If you haven’t read my article 8 Powerful Exercises To Increase Your Feminine Energy, I’d recommend checking it out.

The short version of it is this: cultivate your relationship to your inner feminine. Move your body. Wear things that make you feel beautiful. Make space for play and lightness in your life. Allow yourself to receive in different areas of your life (gifts, massages, meals, people holding space for you, etc.).

Or, if connecting to your inner feminine looks nothing like the above list, then trust that and do what feels right for you.

8. Initiate

Most men enjoy being the initiators of things. Date nights, sex, adventures. But having this responsibility fall squarely on their shoulders can feel tiresome over time.

So take on some of the energy it requires to be the fire-starter in your relationship and initiate sex/plans/date nights once in a while.

In some relationships, the woman has the higher libido and she’s already used to being the one who initiates. If this is the case for you, this point won’t apply as readily to you. In fact, you should probably lean back and give your partner space to initiate with you more often.

But in many relationships (at least the ones that my clients I interact with are in), the men initiate the majority of the sexual encounters.

Now, the point of choosing to initiate more isn’t to swing the pendulum to the opposite side of the spectrum and be the aggressor of all of your future sexual encounters. In that dynamic, you would then take on more of the masculine polarity and it might depolarize your connection rather rapidly.

As always, the dose makes the poison.

Swinging the pendulum so that you initiate 100% of the sexual encounters won’t be ideal, but neither will 0%. If you’re more on the 0% side of the continuum, try feeling what 10-20% feels like. If your partner responds well, keep it up.

He’ll appreciate the opportunity to have you help him… lighten his load (I had to).

9. Invest in your hygiene

While I don’t want this article to devolve into a Cosmo style “Look super pretty for him 24/7 OMG LOL” fluff piece, hygiene is important for everyone in a relationship. But it’s not just for the benefit of it being easier and more pleasant to look at and be close to a buffed-up, nice-smelling person, but more for what the fact that you’re investing in your hygiene says about your relationship to yourself.

In essence, putting effort into your hygiene says that you care about yourself. You care about yourself enough to put energy into the daily maintenance of your body. And that you’re engaging in these behaviours in order to honour your relationship to yourself, and to the relationship.

This doesn’t have to be anything crazy.

In the same way that you can turn a messy bedroom into a tidy one with 5-10 minutes of daily upkeep, so too can you transform an unkempt appearance into an attractive, pleasant smelling, nice to touch exterior.

When we’re young, it’s much easier to identify as our bodies. And as we age, these attachments (to being perceived ‘as’ our bodies) tend to soften. In many ways, this is a blessing. We can finally let go of the self-obsession and anxiety that comes part and parcel with constantly fretting over our appearance.

But don’t let your relationship backslide to the point where you don’t give your body and appearance the time and attention they deserve.

Some quick tips to consider:

– Find/pick/wear a signature scent that both you and your partner enjoy on you. Often, when it comes to perfumes and colognes, you get what you pay for. Most $20 perfumes aren’t going to be as pleasant to smell (or healthy for your body to wear) compared to most $200-300 bottles. As with anything to do with grooming and hygiene, individual preferences will vary, so choose whatever you (and your partner) most enjoy.

– Shower/bathe/do your basic, body-level grooming on a daily basis. Sure, skip some days when it makes sense to. But, as a rule, treat your daily washing as just as non-negotiable as feeding yourself.

– Eat a balanced diet with ample vegetables and whole foods. If you eat a diet that largely consists of processed junk, then that will influence how you smell every day. You are what you eat. Don’t eat junk (unless you want to – at least eventually – look and smell like junk).

– Invest in your oral hygiene. Brush (well) and floss twice daily. Go to the dentist every 6-12 months for professional deep cleans. Nobody wants to make out with someone who has subpar oral hygiene. Conversely, nothing is more fun than making out with someone you love who takes care of themselves, head to toe.

You know that level of unstoppable confidence you feel when you get dressed up for a big night out that matters to you? Maybe getting ready to that extent takes you, say, two hours of preparation total. Now, what would a scaled down, 10-20 minute version of that look like that you could sustainably apply to your life on a daily basis? Decide on it, make it a priority, and carry it out as often as you can manage. You’ll walk through your life with that much more confidence, and your partner will also benefit from (and appreciate) your efforts.

10. Adorn yourself

When was the last time you gave your wardrobe an overhaul? Or bought yourself a new piece of jewelry that you love? How much joy do you feel, day to day, based on the things that you adorn your body with?

If you’ve covered your body in sweat pants and ripped t-shirts, and not worn any make up in the last year, that would be a sad state of affairs. Again, not because ‘you are a woman and therefore need to wear make up as a form of paying rent to exist in the world’… but from the perspective of you deserving to look and feel amazing by your standards. I’d say the same thing to a man who hadn’t had a haircut or worn a suit in over a decade. As vain as it might feel to admit it… it feels good to look good.

But again, it has to start with your relationship to the adornment. Do it for you, first and foremost. Find clothing/make up/jewelry/perfume, etc. that fills your heart with joy. Then that joy will spill out of your beingness and he will feel it.

How To Be More Attractive To Your Man

So that’s it. Slow down/extend your speech sometimes, invite him into his senses, compliment him, speak to him from your feelings, make your pleasure a priority, trust him more fully, get in touch with your feminine energy, initiate occasionally, invest in your hygiene, and adorn yourself in a way that makes you feel more beautiful and alive.

Try out a sampling of whichever of these tips most appeals to you, and watch your intimate relationship flourish seemingly overnight.

And a quick reminder… don’t use all of these tips at once. If you integrate all of these tips with your man in the next week, it’ll likely overwhelm him. Easy does it. Introduce one or two to begin with, see how he responds, and then carry on from there.

 

8 WAYS TO BECOME INSTANTLY MORE ATTRACTIVE TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND

If you want to get your girlfriend or your ex girlfriend to a place where she is madly in love with you, then she must first find you attractive.

In fact, the more attractive you are, the more your girlfriend will want to be with you, the more she’ll care about you and the more she’ll want to have sex with you.

It’s an unfortunate truth that if your girlfriend isn’t that into you, then she most likely doesn’t find you that attractive at the moment. However, the good news is that with the right guidance this is something that is easy to change.

Not only is this true, but by using the 8 tips outlined in this guide, you will become so attractive to your girlfriend and women in general, that this information has the potential to change your life in ways you never dreamed possible. As they say, subtle changes can lead to big results!

This post will show you how to make yourself as attractive as possible as fast as possible. With the help of modern science we now know what triggers attraction in women and this gives us an instant shortcut to becoming incredibly attractive as men.

This post is a magic pill for all men looking to become instantly more attractive and successful with any woman they want to bring into their life.

This information is incredibly powerful and effective and it has the potential to change your life in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.

If you are able to implement all of the strategies in this post into your life, be prepared for incredible results and dramatic change.

With that said, let’s take a look at 8 of the most effective ways to become instantly more attractive to women and the world around you.

#1 – WEAR RED

Research conducted at the University of Rochester found that red is the most attractive color that a man can wear.

“We found that women view men in red as higher in status, more likely to make money and more likely to climb the social ladder,” said Andrew Elliot, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. ” And it’s this high-status judgment that leads to the attraction.”

In another study conducted in 2010, women from the US, England, Germany and China were found to be most attracted to men who wore the color red.

If you want to make an instant impression as a man and raise your attractiveness, then wearing the color red can dramatically improve your sex appeal and attractiveness.

#2 – BE A CHALLENGE

No woman respects and is attracted to a man who is to easy to get.

Women love a challenge and if you want your girlfriend to find you incredibly attractive and you want her to appreciate you then you need to be  a challenge.

An excellent study found that women are most attracted to men that they have to win over and who are not easy to get together with (Journal of Experimental Social Psychology).

Keep this research in mind when dealing with your girlfriend.

Being a challenge means not always being available for dates, for phone calls and chats. It also means being difficult to always see and not being available all the time.

I once had a client of mine who’s girlfriend found him very attractive in the beginning. Unfortunately, this guy was always available for his girlfriend and he was always wanting to see her. This turned his girlfriend off and she ended up pushing him away. It was only when he started being more of a challenge that his girlfriend found him attractive again.

#3 – BE HARD TO GET

It’s been found that if you’re less available as a man and less responsive then a woman will find you much more attractive. You will also be seen as a much more romantic prospect (European Journal of Personality).

Why are women more attracted to men who are hard to get and less responsive?

Professor Gurit Birnbaum of the Interdisciplinary Centre, Israel, says: “Women may perceive a responsive stranger as less desirable for different reasons. Women may perceive this person as inappropriately nice and manipulative, in that trying to obtain sexual favors, or eager to please, perhaps even as desperate, and therefore less sexually appealing.”

It’s also true that women may perceive a responsive man as vulnerable and less dominant.

I can verify that in all my interactions with men and women as a relationship psychologist, I have found that men who are less responsive and “hard to get” are much more successful with women.

These men are able to attract their girlfriends and keep them attracted as long as they want.
I rarely see a woman lose interest in her boyfriend when he is less responsive and hard to get. It is the man that is always available and there for his girlfriend that always loses his girlfriend in the long-run.

#4 – DON’T SMILE TOO MUCH

Despite what society and culture will tell you, smiling too much at your girlfriend and women in general can actually turn them off.

A study conducted in 2011 at the University of British Columbia found that men were seen as less sexually attractive when they smiled.

But this has to be done the right way. Here’s what this study really means.
Look around you at coffee shops and restaurants.

A lot of men when they talk to a woman for the first time have these big fake smiles plastered across their faces.

This is a big mistake. It’s insincere and a shallow attempt at looking friendly which doesn’t impress a woman.

Instead, when you first meet a woman if you want her to find you attractive, don’t smile! Then, only after you have got to know the woman a little better should you reward her with a smile.

This will communicate to a woman that your smile is special and that you don’t give it away too easily.

Once you eventually smile to a woman you like, after first being indifferent to her presence, she will find you much more attractive than every other man that beams a smile at her straight away.

5# – SMELL

Who would have thought that wearing the right smell could have such an amazing effect on a woman?

This is one of the true magic pills of attraction.

Scientists recently discovered that a compound found in a small group of men’s fragrances actually activates the pheromone receptors in a woman’s brain and makes her more attracted to a man.

This compound is called hedione, and it was first used in the Christian Dior fragrance Eau Sauvage.

Hedione is so effective because it stimulates the area of the brain in women that is responsible for the release of sex hormones.

Fragrances that contain hedione include:

Christian Dior’s Eau Sauvage
Odeur 51
Acqua Di Gio
CK One
Paco Robane’s Invictus

Now here’s another incredible piece of research that you need to know about and that will show you why wearing a great fragrance can make you more attractive.

In 2009, a study was published in the International Journal of Cosmetic Science where researchers had two different groups of men. One group of men were sprayed with a fragrance and the other group of men didn’t have any fragrance sprayed on them at all.

The researchers then got women to observe the men on a silent video (so the women couldn’t smell the men at all).

The women were then asked to judge which men were the most attractive.

Now here’s the interesting part.

The women all picked out men who were wearing a scented fragrance to be more attractive (even though these women couldn’t smell the men).
The researchers believe that simply wearing a fragrance made men display more confident behavior, which in turn made them more attractive to women.

#6 – CONFIDENCE

Much more important than being a physically attractive person is being a person who projects true self-confidence (University of Oregon).

Remember, strength and confidence to a woman is what beauty is to a man.

Women aren’t looking for another beauty gene when they have sex with you, they’re looking for a strength and confidence gene.

So what is the best way for a man to project confidence?

The fastest route to confidence is to fake it until you make it. By this I mean if you want to become confident you have to think positive thoughts that will put you into a state of confidence. You have to act confident and then real confidence will follow as you start to see the results of your behavior.

For long term confidence to take hold it’s important to do positive things that contribute to your life and increase your sense of well-being and self-worth.

Working out, studying, starting a business and developing new skills and working on new projects are all ways to increase your level of confidence.

The same is true when interacting with women. When a man shows off in front of a woman and tries to act tough, a woman can see right through this and the man’s actions come across as insincere and insecure.

On the other hand, when a man is relaxed, happy and indifferent to outcomes in life, he comes across as secure and confidence within himself. This is the most attractive state a man can get himself into. This is one of the X factors of attraction and if you’re able to get yourself into a confident state of mind, you will become irresistible to your girlfriend.

It’s also important to note that women are more attracted to men who act confident and sure of themselves as opposed to men who act humble and indecisive.

Research at the University of Queensland found that a little overconfidence can actually be very attractive. “People tend to think of overconfidence as an unappealing quality,” The researchers said. “But our work indicates that confidence is such a powerful signal that a little overconfidence can actually be helpful.”

Dressing well, just like maintaining good grooming habits, also makes us feel fresh and confident. We feel better about ourselves and we also think smarter and act in a more confident manner (this has been backed up by research published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology).

#7 – WORKOUT

If there’s one tip I would give every man it is to workout.

The mental and physical benefits are not only incredible, but the fact that women will find you more attractive if you workout is a great advantage too. A study conducted at UCLA asked 286 women to rate men in terms of physical attractiveness.

It was found by researchers that women were most attracted to men who worked out and and some muscle tone and definition.

It’s important to note that women weren’t turned on by men who had too many muscles as this was seen by the majority of women as freakish and off-putting, but being in shape and being toned was seen as the most desirable body shape.

According to the studies authors, “Sexual characteristics like muscularity are cues of genes that increase offspring viability or reproductive success.”

If you want your girlfriend (and all women for that matter) to find you incredible attractive and sexy, it’s time to hit the gym and get into shape.

I saw evidence of the power of working out myself firsthand, when I was dealing with a client of mine who was severely overweight.

After losing the pounds and adding some nice definition to his muscles after hitting the gym for a solid three months, my client noted that his new girlfriend was unable to keep her hands off his body, something he had never experienced before.

He also found that people smiled at him more and both women and men showed him more respect. This increased his confidence tremendously and allowed him to date more women than he’d ever had before in his life.

For better or worse, human beings judge people on a surface level and if you look good and you’re in great shape then people will instinctively respect you. This is the reality of human nature. And if you ignore reality it’s at your own peril!

#8 – GROW STUBBLE

Research at the University of New South Wales found that women are much more attracted to men with stubble compared to men who are clean-shaven or guys with a full beard.

In their research, the University of New South Wales professors showed different photos of men to 351 women.

The men in the photos either had a clean shaven face, stubble or a beard.

It was found that men who had stubble (5-10 days of growth) were the most attractive men across the board. Just like wearing red and using the right scent, growing some facial hair is one of the fastest and easiest ways to become instantly more attractive to your girlfriend.

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