We have all seen the leader at the front of the room, the one who holds an audience in sway, bringing on laughter and tears and causing everyone to leave feeling challenged, inspired, and motivated. Though they may be experts in their fields, expertise alone doesn’t explain the glowing response they evoke in others.
Influencers like these have an enviable quality: charisma. Some seem to be born with it. But can charisma be learned? Can likability be developed through purposeful practice? Here’s what science tells us about what charisma is and how you can build your own version of these powerful people skills.
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What charisma is and why you shouldn’t fake it
Researchers have studied the effects of charisma for decades, but few studies have attempted to tease out which specific characteristics people mean when they say someone is charismatic. A 2018 study narrowed it down to two traits: influence and affability.
Researchers in this study defined affability as being emotionally approachable. People who are affable smile often, get along with a wide range of personalities and make others feel comfortable.
Influence, they said, was a kind of magnetism: the ability to attract attention in a room. An influential person is likely to take on leadership responsibilities and is considered persuasive.
People who are charismatic usually share these characteristics:
- They exude warmth and a sense of competence.
- They have strong social skills, communicating well both verbally and nonverbally.
- They often demonstrate slightly unconventional behavior.
- They are likable.
Here’s the good news. You don’t have to be a life-of-the-party extrovert to be genuinely charismatic. You can learn how to become more charismatic in your social and professional interactions even if you’d describe yourself as awkward, introverted, or plain old shy.
Experts in social science say one key may be to figure out the kinds of settings in which you’re most at ease. Not everyone can be warm and engaging in crowded bars and at parties. If you’re better able to be your authentic self in a cooking class or bookstore café, make those places your go-to spots for conversation instead.
Forcing yourself to fake it in situations that are inherently stressful probably won’t make you more likable. You may be setting yourself up to be perceived as inauthentic.
How to be more charismatic
Some behavioral scientists say it’s a myth to think of charisma as an inherent trait. To increase your presence, your perceived warmth, and your likability, incorporate these skills into your communication style.
Smile more
This directive can be problematic, especially for women used to being told to smile by strangers in public places. But the science is clear: People read a smile as an invitation to approach.
So if you want people to feel welcomed and have a sense of belonging around you, allow yourself to smile genuinely — one of those really warm smiles that reach all the way up to the crinkles near your eyes.
Look people in their beautiful eyes
A bit of context is necessary here. There are situations in which a direct gaze can be perceived as threatening — eye contact as you slip past a stranger in a darkened alleyway, for instance.
On the whole, however, looking someone in the eye sends the clear message that you are paying attention.
ResearchersTrusted Source has found that looking at someone directly activates the part of the brain associated with rewards and social inclusion.
In studies, looking someone in the eye made people more likely to rate you attractive, competent, and likable. If you’re trying to boost your charisma, the direct gaze offers big returns on your investment.
Keep your hands in view and use them to help you speak
Hand gestures aren’t just mindless flapping and flailing. They are, all by themselves, a highly effective communication strategy. They are especially powerful when used to underscore, highlight, or represent the ideas you’re communicating.
Hand gestures are visually captivating, and when used to emphasize meaning, they deepen understanding. In fact, the same parts of the brain that interpret speech also process the meaning of hand gestures, possibly because human beings may have communicated with gestures long before they expressed ideas with words.
So, when you’re in a meeting — either virtual or in-person — it’s a good idea to keep your hands out in the open, on a table or desk, which subtly sends a signal that you’re trustworthy and honest. And it’s an even better idea to let your hands do the talking as often as possible.
Own your oddities
In an age of memes and eerily similar selfies, individuality is refreshing. If you’re in a setting where it would be oh so easy to fall back on predictable and safe small talk, consider asking questions that surprise people. In her book “Captivate,” social scientist Vanessa Van Edwards recommends questions like these to bring about interesting conversations:
- What personal passion project are you working on right now?
- What was the highlight of your day?
- Do you have anything exciting coming up in your life?
Researchers have found that when people are expecting a predictable pattern, the sudden appearance of the unusual jolts the learning and memory centers in the brain. The feel-good chemical dopamine is released, and two actions follow: The brain codes the novel experience to be stored in memory, and its reward centers prompt you to look for more of the same.
If you want people to remember you, it’s a good idea to start by intriguing them.
Embrace vulnerability
Expressing vulnerability — whether it’s admitting something slightly embarrassing or owning up to a secret worry — may make people more inclined to connect with you. Making yourself vulnerable doesn’t mean you’ve poured out your heart before the appetizers have arrived. It means you’re open to sharing a detail about yourself that reveals your humanity.
Researchers have found that when leaders acknowledge their imperfections, it boosts the connection and compassion in the entire group. And people tend to view such leaders as charismatic.
Listen wholeheartedly
People often describe charisma as an exceptional ability to communicate an inspiring goal or vision to a group of people. But everyday charisma isn’t necessarily about one-way, top-down communication. It’s about being fully present and responsive in two-person conversations.
If you want people to remember you, listen to them. Really listen, without interrupting, checking your phone, or steering the conversation back to yourself. Your conversation partner — whether you’re on a date or at a shareholders meeting — is speaking in body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and words.
Get curious about what they’re saying. If you notice a flutter of fear or a flicker of anger, ask questions to find out more. Genuine interest in other people is compelling. Researchers have found that calmly listening with your full attention and without judgment makes people feel cared for, valued, and respected.
Say their name
In one of the best-selling self-help books of all time, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” author Dale Carnegie reminded his readers that people love to hear their own name. And neurology backs up Carnegie’s claim.
When researchers used functional resonance imaging to track responses, they found that several parts of the brain lit up when people heard their own names.
When you’re in a conversation, be sure to say the other person’s name, especially when it’s time for a goodbye. If you’re introducing someone, say their name and mention one of their accomplishments, as in, “This is Josh. He’s training for the Ironman.”
Find mutuality
Charisma is as much about connection as it is about impressions. As you interact with people, be on the lookout for shared experiences, ideas, and relationships. Maybe you drive the same car, support the same team, or share a quirky phobia.
When you find something in common, don’t be afraid to ask questions or dig deeper. A genuine connection isn’t the work of a moment.
Creating a bond with another person is an act of daring — and your body rewards you for taking the courageous step. Powerful neurochemicals, including dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin are released during social interactions. Researchers think the reward for social bonding may have evolved because survival may have depended on social group interactions.
Is there a dark side to charisma?
The short answer is yes. Human history is full of charismatic leaders who led people astray. Charisma is simply a set of skills that can be used to make friends, alliances, or money, or to achieve goals, whether those goals are noble or diabolical. Researchers are increasingly interested in the detrimental effects of charismatic leaders on organizations of various types.
If you’re patterning your own skills after those of a leader you’ve observed, it might be a good idea to spend some time analyzing the overall health of the organization before adopting a particular leadership style.
A reading list to get you started
If you want to explore more of the science and art of charisma, you can deepen your knowledge with these selections:
- “Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People” by Vanessa Van Edwards
- “The Irresistible Introvert: Harness the Power of Quiet Charisma in a Loud World” by Michaela Chung
- “The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism” by Olivia Fox Cabane
The takeaway
Charisma may appear to be a gift or an inherent personality trait, but many behavioral scientists believe it can be learned. Some researchers say charisma comes down to your affability (emotional approachability) and your influence (your ability to move or motivate others).
Other people are likely to see you as charismatic if you smile often, look them in the eye, communicate with your hands, and say their name frequently. People will also find you more likable if you establish a connection with them by listening attentively, own your peculiarities and vulnerabilities, and seek commonalities with them.
As you cultivate charisma, it’s important to be yourself, even if it means you skip stressful public events and opt for smaller, more intimate gatherings where you can communicate effectively. Charisma can’t flourish without authenticity, without a real curiosity and interest in other people. Start there, and people may find you irresistible.
HOW TO BE MORE CHARISMATIC: 10 EASY TIPS
Charisma is a sparkle in people that money can’t buy. It’s an invisible energy with visible effects.
Marianne Williamson
I usually wonder about how to be more charismatic when I am in a room with other people and all of a sudden a new person enters and he or she draws all the attention to him or herself.
Wouldn’t it be nice to be seen and perceived as the wonderful and interesting person that we are instead of feeling bored in the middle of a group?
Here is what I found out on how to be more charismatic.
The reason we’re successful, darling? My overall charisma, of course.
Freddie Mercury
What is Charisma?
According to Kurt W. Mortensen, author of The Laws of Charisma, charisma is when you empower, encourage, and inspire others.
Charisma is the ability to:
- influence others to your way of thinking
- easily build rapport
- inspire people to achieve more
- persuade others to believe in you
- captivate and motivate others
- energize and move others by your passion and enthusiasm
- magnetize others attention
- lift and inspire others by your optimism
According to Gerry Spence, author of How to Argue and Win Every Time, charisma is a passing of our pure energy, our pure passion to the other.
It is easier to identify a person who has charisma than to define the exact qualities that the person displays.
Here are some famous charismatic people:
Mother Theresa
Steve Jobs
Michelle Obama
Madonna
Hillary Clinton
Will Smith
Jennifer Lopez
Taylor Swift
Beyonce
Jennifer Lawrence
George Clooney
Oprah Winfrey
According to studies such as the one conducted at the University of Lausanne, charisma can be taught and improved.
What skills could help us develop charisma and take our life to the next level?
Being a leader gives you charisma. If you look and study the leaders who have succeeded, that’s where charisma comes from, from the leading.
Seth Godin
How to be More Charismatic: 10 Critical Skills
There are many ways to become more charismatic.
If you focus on developing any of these critical skills you will soon be perceived as more charismatic.
Start with the skills that come easily to you.
One person with passion is better than forty people merely interested.
- M. Forster
Embrace Your Passion
What are you passionate about?
When you talk about something that you are passionate about you feel excited and full of energy.
Moreover, everyone around you can feel your enthusiasm, which makes people pay more attention to you.
In addition, passion can be contagious.
Talking about your passion helps to radiate enthusiasm and energy.
If you are not sure what you are passionate about. You may find it helpful to read What should I do with my life.
Consider Your Appearance
We are not supposed to judge a book by it’s cover but we all do without even thinking about it.
Being aware and taking care of your appearance is one more way to increase your charisma.
According to Kurt W. Mortensen, author of The Laws of Charisma, here are some physical characteristics that impact how others perceive us:
- Adult faces with baby-type characteristics are judged as honest
- Excess weight decreases credibility
- High foreheads increase the perception of intelligence
- Old hairstyles decrease your rapport
- Taller people are more credible and have increased power
- Facial hair decreases trust
- Slouching posture disconnects people from you
A pleasing appearance is associated with trust and intelligence.
This doesn’t mean that you have to look absolutely perfect because this could make people feel disconnected because they think they are out of your league.
However, paying attention to how you look and the clothes you wear can impact your charisma in a positive way.
Inspire Confidence
Confidence is a skill that you build over time when you know that you can accomplish what you are expected to do.
Believing in yourself and your abilities will help people trust you and therefore increase your charisma.
Charismatic people are confident in their competencies, skills, and ideas.
In addition, they tend to influence and inspire the same in others, which makes them even more admirable.
That said, another key ingredient of how to be more charismatic is to work on your self-confidence. Most importantly, how you speak can determine how people respond to what you say.
Therefore, if you want to command attention, gain trust and admiration, be sure to speak in a confident voice.
A confident voice is a sign of leadership, assertiveness, as well as security.
Here are 10 tips if you need help Building Self-Confidence.
People who love life have charisma because they fill the room with positive energy.
John C. Maxwell
Be Present
Being present is a major secret of how to be more charismatic.
Perhaps you’re wondering what it means to be present?
Well, it means putting your phone aside and avoiding distractions that may prevent you from staying in the moment.
When you are present, your listeners feel like they are the center of attraction.
Consequently, they are more likely to pay close attention to your message.
Therefore, learn to be more present when communicating with your listeners.
Fuel Your Energy
Feeling well and full of energy is an important starting point to be more charismatic.
Your energy level starts with your health.
Make sure you take good care of yourself by:
- getting enough sleep
- eating healthy food
- wearing comfortable clothes
- keeping your stress level low
- exercising regularly
When you feel comfortable in your shoes, it is easier to be present and focus on your passion, goals, and communication with others.
You may argue that a coffee or a sweet snack can push your energy level up. This is true but keep in mind that the extra energy will only last for a short period of time.
The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.
Theodore Roosevelt
Listen to Others
Listening intently means to give the other person your full attention. This can be difficult as there is always a phone or computer at the tips of our fingers.
We may also get easily distracted by our own thoughts.
When someone is sharing their thoughts and feelings, it can be tempting to share your own experiences.
However, try not to interrupt by allowing the other person to share his or her story before commenting.
This is important because failing to give the other person attention can make you appear selfish.
Being a good listener can help you earn other people’s trust and admiration.
In addition, stay present in the conversation by asking questions and sharing information that may be useful for the other person.
Make Eye Contact
One thing you may have noticed about charismatic individuals is that they always maintain eye contact.
With that in mind, another incredible quality of how to be more charismatic is to maintain positive eye contact.
Maintaining eye contact during conversations lets the other person know that you are listening to them.
In addition, making eye contact is a great way of communicating that what someone is sharing is meaningful.
I have yet to find the man who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism.
Charles Schwab
Acknowledge Other’s Strengths
A good way to be more charismatic is to recognize that everyone is important.
Show that you care about others by praising their efforts and good work.
In addition, make sure that the praise is genuine and specific.
Saying good job, will not provide specific feedback but praising the completion of a specific project or how a difficult situation was handled will inspire others to improve their efforts.
Look for positive contributions or accomplishments to praise today.
This will let others know that you care and will encourage them to complete more work and become better at what they do.
Share Your Vision
When a charismatic leader shares his or her vision for the future, it helps others leave worry behind.
When we worry we are afraid of our future because it is uncertain and we focus too much on our past mistakes.
A vision if when we trust that we have the ability to build a better future.
Embrace Your Feelings
How does it feel?
We make many decisions depending on how we feel about a specific situation regardless of the facts presented.
The way we feel affects our way of thinking and behaving.
Another critical secret of how to be more charismatic is to validate people’s feelings and thoughts.
In other words, you need to make people feel good about themselves in order to make them enjoy being with you.
It is important to note that people may forget what you wore, but they will never forget how you made them feel.
Acknowledging other people’s strengths and worthiness can increase their love and trust towards you.
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou
